Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Stand by Your Man" or not?


OK, Let me start by saying this isn't anything we are going through but has be a recent topic in our house because of J&K+8. So if your spouse cheats on you do you stay or go? Is it that black and white or is there some grey? Does it matter if it was a one time thing or an affair? What if when you enter into your marriage your partner explained they were unfaithful in every relationship before yours and it was purely a sex thing an NEVER an emotional thing, never more than once with the same person? Can you always remain 100% faithful to one person until death do you part? BTW, when I mean faithful I mean no phone sex with a friend or sexual emails or "sexting", we are talking about anything you wouldn't do with your partner in the room listening in on??? I'm curious if people really mean until death does us part or just until you hurt my ego? And if you do stay how does one recover, on both sides?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Mothering


Our last blog got me to thinking about a lot.....about who've I've become since giving birth to my daughter. Before I had Ryleigh I had 3 jobs, not because I needed them but because I could. I was newly single from a long term BAD relationship and I had moved back in with mom at 27. We were starting over together, she was going through a divorce and I had lived out of state for years so we did it together! Anyway, I was single and working, enjoy freedom and did what I wanted, when I wanted. Long story short, I became a mommy, a single mommy and everything changed. Anyone who knows me even a little has know since I was 16 yrs old I was planning to be a mommy and marriage wasn't necessarily part of the plan, so when I had Ryleigh no one was shocked. Let me say, no one could have ever prepared me for what would happen. First of all on a funny note, if they handed out pamphlets about what women REALLY go through or the worst of the worst that could happen to your body, well we'd end teen pregnancy! Second, I had no idea the emotional journey I would take......the overwhelming love and fears...........the total lack of identity I'd be left without.....not knowing who I am or what I may be after becoming a mommy.
I am no longer Meagan, I'm mommy. Now, I love being mommy but I also loved being me. I was a lot of fun. I was the go to girl for getting your hair done, talking about problems, going dancing, BBQ's.........I was really social and carefree. Now I am plagued with mommy thoughts, I feel like I ruin Ryleigh and Jami's fun because mommy mode has me checking out all possible safety issues. EXAMPLE:
We went to stay in northern Jersey for a conference. We had room service and a pool, all kind of fun stuff for Ry and while Jami was working. It should have been relaxing and it was for the most part, but I remembered thinking......This hotel has 8 floors, with to normal elevators and several service. Each floor has at least to exit with stairs and there has to be a way you can access the roof. Yes, i was terrified my fearless 3 yr old(at the time) would sneak out and either A:I'd never find her or B: She go to the roof
This is one way motherhood has affected me, it's made me a nut!

Here is the new problem, my daughter is starting school and I am wanting to have another baby. It's been there for a while now, about 2 yrs. I started feeling strange, like what is my purpose if I'm not a mother, I can't image not having babies. Being a mommy is the best choice I have ever made for myself. I honestly live for my daughter. Before her I didn't think about life or death, I didn't care. Now that I have Ry, she is the reason I breathe, literally, the reason I wake up and continue to do what I do is her. It's so strange how life changes for moms, now I realize not everyone feels this way. One of my best girlfriend had her son and could not wait to get back to work. She had a C-section and was back to work after only 5 weeks. She said she never could be a stay at home. So her life didn't change as much, maybe it's a stay at home mommy thing???Anyway, the want for a second child is almost as bad and the want I had before my daughter was born. She is growing more and more dependent and soon she'll be starting school and, and, and what? I want more children, two more, I always wanted a large family but it doesn't look like it will happen and if it doesn't happen then what, who am I if I'm not mommy? I have been out of the work force that any job I went to my supervisors would all be 10yrs younger and I'd be making minimum wage, like I need another slap in the face. OK, so I'm really curious if anyone else struggles with who you've become or what to do when your babies leave for school or if you agree or disagree with what I have to say???

RE: Bedtime, sex......

Let me start by saying my daughter has a brain tumor and has had seizures in the past. This is when we started co-sleeping because I was deathly afraid to leave my child. I was a single parent for the 1st three years of her life, alone, really alone! I was afraid that if I put her in her room alone something would happen and I'd never hear it. I am a stay at home mommy and my daughter doesn't go to school and we have recently moved 1,000 mile from everyone we know and love. She hasn't been dealing with it very well, she has abandonment issues. For the longest time she thought that everyday Jami was going to Alabama and not coming home and cried. I deal with this the best I know how, children don't come with manuals. She is on a bed schedule, she is asleep 95% of the time at the same time. She sleeps with me because Jami doesn't sleep with me anyway and those fears just don't disappear. Jami and I don't sleep together because I can't sleep with a SNORER! I also have dealt with insomnia for the past 16yrs, my father also has it......so if I seem to value sleep above all else, your right, because I don't sleep.
Fathers and mothers or birth parent and co-parents never see things the same. Usually, and I said usually, the birth parent is overwhelmed with the reality of things. The parent who is involved less, whether it's work related or separation, doesn't have to worry as much they know the child is care for by the spouse. In our situation is a step-parent, all though Ryleigh could care less.....Jami is her forever favorite, anyway, Jami walked in to this family and completed it, but has none of the concerns because I was taking care of it before and I will continue. That said, it not only plays into our different schedules, or differences in parenting but our lack of intimacy. Since becoming a mommy, I don't need the intimacy that my partner does and fussing about only pushes me further away from it. At the end of a 12 or more hour day with our daughter sex is the last of my list. It's another thing on my long list of things to do. If you want intimacy than your going to have to work on your approach. Walking up behind me and smacking on the butt isn't a form of foreplay, or the massage, the blessed massage that we all get. The let me rub your back for 5 minutes now lets have sex. I don't want it or need it as much but if we are going to do this my form of foreplay is....taking care of our 4yr old the rest of the day, cook me dinner and draw me a bath.....that's foreplay. I will be relaxed and more likely to be intimate with you. We share long kisses everyday, unless we are angry and sometimes that's enough for me. I'm sorry I'm not filling all my "wifely duties" according to you but you do have a hand that works just fine!

Bedtime, Kids, and sex...


Let me start off by saying that I'm totally for co-sleeping. That's not what this is about. I think that co-sleeping is great for babies (and parents who need as much sleep as possible) when they are not sleeping through the night or they are breastfeeding. That I get. But at some point I think it starts to hinder a child's independence & the parent's relationship both. When your "baby" is 4 years old, I think it's time for them to start sleeping by themselves.

It's hard enough to have intimacy or a healthy sex life with kids as it is. You can pretty much forget spontaneity of any kind. That I expected, but I really had hoped that by 4 years old, our daughter would be able to sleep in her room and the adults might get a little time to themselves at night to play together. I was wrong.

Our daughter is up and playing until the second we decide to go to bed. And then it's "I want to get in your bed". So, off I go to the guest room alone. No sex, no kisses, no just laying in bed snuggling. It's over at that point. It bothers me a lot more that it does Meagan I think.

Ryleigh doesn't have a bedtime. She just goes and to bed with Meagan when she goes to bed. That leaves ZERO adult time for either of us & I think it's going to be hard to keep our relationship happy like that. I think if Ryleigh had a bedtime, and it was a few hours before we go to bed it would give both of us a chance to unwind, talk, or whatever at the end of the day. I have been pushing for this since we started dating and it hasn't happened. Meagan would rather Ryleigh stay up late at night at the expense of our relationship and our sex life than to deal with her waking up earlier in the morning. I guess the value of being able to sleep in comes in above almost everything?

At what point should this all get better? Does it get better? Should I just give up trying to have that kind of relationship with my wife? Would it all be easier to deal with then?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The "JUNK BOX"


We have started a new bad habit in our home, called the junk box. I remember being a kid and mom had the junk drawer, it was a free for all, anything from chop sticks to gum to coupons. Well we recently moved to a much smaller place and have had a tough time finding a place for everything. We'll start unloading a box and putting stuff in piles to be put in it's place and something would come up or some one would show up and we do a mad dash and throw everything into a Rubbermaid container. I was wondering if anyone else has this problem.....to much stuff to little space.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

How do you place your toilet paper roll?


How do you place your toilet paper roll? This is a topic that we discuss in our home and thought other people might discuss this too. Do you place it over or under? And does it bother you enough you change it if its not placed that way? Even when at someone else home? We place it over in our home.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Work is NOT a vacation.

Getting up at the crack of dawn to fight traffic and be to the office by 8 is not a break. I'd love to sleep in until 10'o clock every day. I can't.
Being in the office 9, 10 sometimes 12 hours and dealing with the day to day BS is not a break. I'd love to spend a few hours a day doing nothing but watching TV. I can't.

All day... everyday I deal with hyped up deadlines, reports piling up, pissed off project managers making my life hell, our office sales manager yelling at people at the top of his lungs, and I am constantly spreading myself so thin I could rip at any moment just so that our department meets the unrealistic profit margin goals of our sales team... NONE of this is a break.
And then you throw on another hour to hour & a half drive home and if I'm lucky, I get to stop off and run errands on the way home too.

Work is not a break.

Working parents don't go off on a 14 hour vacation 5 days a week. If it was a break, stay at home moms would be kicking in doors to get these kinds of breaks right?

At the end of the day


OK, so it's been a long day of slippy cups, butt wiping and chasing down the toddler and I can't wait for the arrival of my spouse so I can finally have some adult conversation and help. Then Jami walks in and immediately starts in on Ryleigh(our toddler), not what I had been waiting for at all. It's like, "Hello honey, I've been here all day without losing my temper and I do this 24/7, I don't get the escapes to work! You can't just come in here and be the bad guy 1st thing!" I'm thinking that Jami should be the good guy, because someone needs to be on Ryleigh's side at the end of a tough day and mommy has had it up to here! This isn't an everyday thing, but after speaking to other stay at home mommies it seems to happen to us all. Let's here some input from the person who stays home and the one that works.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

My take on silverware.

The only real way to load silverware into the dishwasher is upside down...

For two reasons:

1. When you reach back into the dishwasher to grab a plate you won't gash your arm open on a knife if the handle is pointing up.

2. When the dishwasher is done doing it's thing, to remove the CLEAN silverware it's better to touch the handle right? Right.

So who's right? Dirty up the clean silverware & possibly bleed to death on them & do it Meagan's way OR Just put them business end down like I do?

I think it's poll time! Check over on the right to vote.

Silverware

So here is a subject we find ourselves discussing a lot and recently several of our friends also have had this discussion with their spouses. Do how do you load your silverware in the dish washer, everything up or all down? I, the dishwasher in the house, load everything up. This is because when I bought my 1st home and had all new appliances I wanted to make sure I used them to the best of their abilities and in reading the manuals it stated to wash everything up. Jami loads them down, fearing someone getting injured. So I'm curious to know if this is a discussion in other peoples homes and if so how do you load your own silverware?

Monday, May 4, 2009

My intro

Okay, I'm not the writer in the family. My wife will be a tough act to follow. In short, I'm a 32 year old Engineer. My wife and I believe differently on a lot of issues. In a nutshell: She's a Type A/ I'm a type B, She's Grease 2/ I'm Grease I, She's Kate/ I'm John. Usually we try to meet in the middle. Or... well, we have at least learned to "agree to disagree"on some things.

We started this blog to celebrate our differences & chronicle our crazy but wonderful lives together. We also thought this would be great medium to get third party opinions on things we just can't seem to agree on... Anything from parenting issues to "are Yams the same thing as sweet potatoes?"

Intro to our lives

My name is Meagan. I am a 32 yr old mother of one. Before I was a mother I was a Massage therapist and also worked in child care. This blog for me is a place that I can come to and be brutally honest about my life as a mom and a wife. I will start by saying I really love my life, that's not to say I don't have struggles, I do, but on a day to day basis I love my life.
My life has really changed over the past year, it's been the best year of my life and here is the back story. Jami and I met 12 years ago in TN. We dated briefly but we both ended up leaving the area and living more than 1,000 miles away from each other. Over the years we lost touch but Jami never left my thoughts. We both moved on, I had a daughter in 2005, on my own and assumed it would be just she and I. In 2007 after much searching, Jami and I found each other and from the 1st moment we spoke we knew we'd be together the rest of our lives. We are now in the South Jersey area and loving it. My path isn't for everyone but it is what is working for me. I actually had to become a mother before I could be a good wife. My daughter helped heal old wounds I didn't even know were there. As she grew so did I and now as a wife and a mommy I feel more whole than I ever new was possible. I love being a mommy and I love being a PAIR!
So that sums it up, my life in short. Our life is crazy like everyone else. Our daughter is creative, smart and WILDLY challenging! Our dog, Ashton, our poor, poor, over loved dog is treated like a sibling....maybe one day soon(fingers crossed) we can have another child so Ryleigh, our daughter, can have a real sibling to roll around and fight with.
 
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